using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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