I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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