Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
