I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
