dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
is it fun? or sober?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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