I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
