Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
