They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
