My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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