i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
