We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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