I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
