I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
