Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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