I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
