I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
