I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
