okay pat passed out under dana's car
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
