I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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