This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
im on a boat
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