I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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