I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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