You can't special order awesome
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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