Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
