you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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