remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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