new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
