Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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