I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize