He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
