and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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