this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
