woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
