Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
