You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
