Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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