I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
