I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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