I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
