Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
