i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
