I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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