We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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