At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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