He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize