the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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