smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
