it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
