sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
