you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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