oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
