I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
