sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have already put on my inside pants.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
