i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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