Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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