theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize