dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
