my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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