a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
