FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well I just put wine in my tea
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
