My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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