It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
