Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
