Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
