i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
