have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
