the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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