ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
