Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
