Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just tell him i said nine months
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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