so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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