He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
