So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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