How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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