you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm like, not good at living.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
