why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize