Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Help. Why am I so naked?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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