im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
