I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
