I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
