My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
