I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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