Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
