just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
what the fuck happened to the tacos
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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