You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
