JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
