My hand turned me down
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
