I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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