ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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