Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
