I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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