there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just pee around me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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