we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize