ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize