I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
