he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
