Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
