if i can run in heels then i can drive
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
