sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just had sex on a roof
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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