Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
