Jerry, you need to find god
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
