i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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