Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
