There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize