I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
