You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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