well I can't set my house on fire every night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
